Student Suicides in India: How Parents Can Protect their Children

student suicides in India - how parents can help

In recent years, we have all heard innumerable stories about student suicides in India. When young Indian students choose to kill themselves, they leave behind grieving families, devastated parents, and a country in speechless shock. This article explores what parents can do to prevent such a scenario ever happening to their children.

In January 2024, a Class 12 student left behind this note before committing suicide in the town of Kota. The reason? She was under severe stress over the upcoming JEE exams. Just a day before NEET exam in May 2024, another 18-year-old aspirant committed suicide by hanging himself. He was a top ranking student at school and had been preparing for the NEET exam for the last two years. 

According to one recent report by WION, 27 Indian students committed suicide in Kota in 2023. This was the highest number recorded since 2015. Kota is famously known as Kota Factory – the city that’s home to a Rs. 6,000-crore coaching industry or “factory”. More recently, it has achieved another dubious moniker – Factory of Suicides.

Unfortunately, suicides by Indian students are not limited to the Kota Factory. Students all over India are making this horrifying and irreversible choice, leaving behind families and communities steeped in immense devastation, grief, regret, and guilt. As per National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), over 13,000 students committed suicides in year 2022. This accounted for 7.6% of all suicides in India for that year. 

Many students committed suicide due to examination stress, or failure in exams.  Today, Indian youngsters are under an immense amount of stress to score good marks in school and college, get a lucrative degree, and ultimately, get a money-spinning job – live up to their and their parents’ expectations. A young, playful life just vanishes. 

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to protect your child and and ensure that they live long, fruitful lives! You need to give them the attitude, the courage to face their lives no matter what. You also give them the confidence that you are beside them, no matter what, while pushing them to trying their best.

This article lists out a few pointers that may help you protect your children from unnecessary stress that can lead them to taking extreme steps.    

Understand what your child wants

Do you know what your child wants to do in life?

What career they hope to pursue? What their interests and abilities are?

If any answer is “no,” you might be one of many Indian parents steering children toward your own desired paths, which may or may not what the child wants.

Such misalignments between what a child wants and what their parents want for them causes a lot of stress for the child. They want to obey their parents because it is their duty. But they also have to force themselves to align their career/life goals with their parents’. In the best cases, they will accept your choices and become the doctor or engineer you want them to be. However in the most extreme cases, we may be pushing for situations like Kota in our own homes.

As a parent, what can you do to prevent such a situation?

For one, try to understand what your child wants to do in life. Ask them what they want to study after 10th or 12th. Also ask if they have thought about which career they are interested in pursuing.

An honest, non-judgmental discussion will help you to understand if your son or daughter is interested in graphic design or engineering, medicine or music, writing or accountancy. It will also send out a very positive signal to your child. It will show that you, their parent, will always consider their preferences and choices rather than pressuring them to abide by your own wishes for them. The next section further explores this idea of pressuring vs. acceptance.

It’s not always that a child really knows what they want to do in their career. Or your child may really know what they want to pursue. But is that the right choice? In any case, read through the last section to know what to do in both cases. 

Accept your child as they are

There’s nothing wrong with wanting and expecting your child to have a successful career and happy life. But ask yourself if you are taking these expectations too far. Are you forcing your choices and preferences on them instead of accepting their choices and preferences? Are they being pressurized? 

What if your daughter wants to be a lawyer because she is intrigued by the law but you want her to be a doctor because it is a more “respectable” career? What if your son wants to be a veterinarian because he loves animals rather than an engineer and entrepreneur like his father?

You may not think of lawyer and veterinarian as “preferable” or “lucrative” or “desirable” careers but your child does. Their interests and passions may lie there.  Remember that when it comes to their career, it is their choices and preferences that matter more than yours.

That’s why it’s important to accept what they feel, acknowledge their goals and plans, give them the confidence to chase, and more importantly, achieve their dream. 

Speak up for your child in public

You can be your child’s biggest ally, staunchest supporter, and most vocal champion? Yes, YOU!

External pressures from society, peers, and family subtly or overtly influence children’s choices. If aligned with their desires, coping is easier. Misalignment leads to immense stress, potentially triggering suicidal thoughts. Parents are crucial in supporting children publicly, mitigating external pressures, and fostering mental well-being.

Suppose someone expresses their expectations or ideas about what they think is the best career or life plan for your child – but your child has different ideas. Here’s when you need to speak up in support of your child.

Students with unwavering parental support, both publicly and privately, develop resilience, assured that despite societal pressures, their parents provide steadfast assistance and encouragement.

Monitor your child’s media exposure

“Indian children among the youngest to reach mobile maturity.” (Source: The Hindu Business Line)

What this means is that mobile phone usage is the most common among Indian children compared to children in any other country. Even a majority of rural children in India have access to a smartphone at home (90% in 2023).

While computing devices aid learning, they also pose risks, exposing children to inappropriate content, heightening stress, and impacting mental health negatively.

News stories depicting successful individuals pressure students to emulate them, fostering a culture of competition and comparison, intensifying stress. Conversely, reports on unemployment, poverty, and crime instill negative thoughts, heightening worries about the future, exacerbating anxieties among young minds.

As a parent, you can help control your children’s exposure to content that creates agitation and angst among them. One way is to limit their smart device usage to certain hours of the day. You can also install parental control apps on your own smartphone to block their access to certain websites or apps and to manage their privacy settings. Here are some apps you can try:

Google Family Link

Kaspersky Safe Kids

mSpy

Norton Family

Disclaimer: Finkeyz is not associated with these companies and does not make any recommendations.

Passion begets Success

Please understand this concept. Also explain this mantra to your child: Passion + Hardwork + Persistence = Success.

See, a degree will only take your child so far. Fame and success are a result of persistent, consistent hard work. If your child is not aligned with their degree or careers, they may never be able to put through the quality hard work really required to be successful and may burn out. They will move on to the next degree or career.

For real success, they need to put in hard work, day in and day out – and enjoy at the same time. That only happens when they are doing the thing they are passionate about and aligned with. Then hard work becomes a cake walk. And slowly and steadily they would move towards success.

This may answer why many sports people, video bloggers, singers, actors, entrepreneurs – who may not have the best degrees, or even any degree at all are so successful. They have followed their passions! Sachin Tendulkar is only 10th pass, by the way!

Yes, a good degree can give you a good start. But then it’s only your passion and hard work that would take you forward. If you lack in those departments, you could languish.

So be cautious of building up too much degree expectations on your child. Rather, keep this mantra in mind, and teach your child too.

What marks?! It’s the Interests & Attitude, stupid!

Okay, this might be controversial, but how much do you fret over your child’s marks?  How much do you scold your child? Have you ever slapped your child over marks? Sadly, I know of some parents beating their children because of less-then-desirable grades!

See, each child is different – they have unique talents and personalities. If they are consistently scoring less in mathematics and science, they may be good at something else. If you had asked Sachin Tendulkar to ace Mathematics, well, he may be doing a clerical job somewhere. Dhoni would have been a ticket collector on a train.

Observe the interests of your child. Expose them to the arts, sports and other hobbies. Explore with them. See where their real interests lie and then get them on that path. This way their passions, interests may align with their future careers, leading to success.

Oh, about those marks. If your child scores low grades inspite of having worked hard, don’t fret. Be by your child and give them warmth and confidence.

Tell them that success in life is way beyond marks. Give them that attitude that keeps them going no matter what.  Explore alternatives that line up with their interests.

This way, if ever they face a failure or are under stress, they will have the attitude to cope up with it.

Spend time with your children

Nothing like a child walking in home from school to find their mom embracing them in her hug.  Family bonding time over hot lunch, talks and mischiefs. Well I’ve gone all nostalgic – back to my school days when my mother was always there waiting for me as I returned from school. Even dad hopped in at times (his office wasn’t too far), and we had lunch together. Lucky me!

Parents’ time and warmth is very important for children. They need to bond with you; they need to play with you. They need to have that warmth, and that confidence that you are there for them no matter what. And you love them.

Your love and warmth would play a significant role in helping them tackle any potential stress.

Career Counselling for the Right Career Decision

Many of the exam stress-related student suicides could have been avoided if the students had only followed the paths that were meant for them.

A student who had come for career counselling at Finkeyz spoke of how most of her batchmates at the JEE class she was attending were not interested in pursuing JEE. Neither did they have the aptitude! So when it was JEE exam time, most of these students were under severe stress or extreme helplessness.

Why lead to such scenarios though? It’s such a waste of time and money, and more importantly, it’s a serious negative impact on the morale of children. Some of these then take extreme steps. This can be avoided.  (Luckily for the student, she dropped JEE and shifted to law after her career counselling and she aced it comfortably! )

It’s quite normal for young children to not know not know what career to pursue in life. Some children do know, but it’s always good to check if that could be the right decision for them.

Certified career counselors guide children and parents in making informed decisions about their career paths based on interests, values, strengths and skills of children.  They help evaluate career options, clarify career objectives and develop action plans to achieve these objectives. They offer current industry insights, job details, and salary data to empower informed decisions in guiding your child’s path.

And last but not least, a counsellor who understands child psychology will provide useful guidance and advice to help your child better deal with stress, anxiety, jitters, distress etc. The best counselors provide emotional support, encouragement, and motivation, fostering success and well-being in students’ career paths.

Senior career counsellors at Finkeyz have decades of industry experience. This helps children and parents with both expert counselling and experienced professional perspectives. Moreover if your child knows what career they want to pursue in life, we will still advise you to do a quick dream career suitability check.

Conclusion

Parents have a significant role to play towards their children’s well-being. Besides the continuous support and love, parents need to ensure that their child is on a path that is right for them, and not just on any path that can lead to future turbulences.

For this, career counselling is your best bet – a small investment to ensure well being of your child, and cultivating their perfect career.     

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